rules to die by

• leave all window shades at half mast
• 5 minute rule for dishes in the sink before washing
  
• wash linens after every use
• NEVER, under ANY circumstances, move the furniture
• insist that all clothes and other personal articles be placed in closet or drawer upon entry
  
• take out trash twice daily
• creases, parts, tucks, and folds a must
  
• put objects back in designated position no later than 15 minutes after use
• never trust anyone more than 10 years your junior, not even to pick out a ripe piece of fruit
• only buy imported cheese
• scoff at anything you are not familiar with
• always keep it chic
  
• keep a bottle of Freixenet in the fridge
• loathe NYU and everything they bring, build, or stand for
• Accuse others of fucking with anything of yours that doesn't work anymore
• put on make-up everyday, even to just lie in bed
• maintain the conviction that nothing is as good as it used to be